I have been thinking a lot recently about how my life has developed in the past year, with even more focus on the past few months. one year ago, I was applying to Epicodus, where I am currently attending school, only to find out that I was not accepted for the 2015 Winter session. With even more changes coming in the winter and spring of 2015, I had no idea where I was going with my life. I was nervous that I was going to be stuck, nervous that I wasn't going to find something that I was good at, and most importantly, I was nervous I wasn't going to find something that I loved to do. Through this nervousness, I kept praying for God to take me somewhere, or show me what He was planning for my life. With so much nervousness though, I'll admit that some days even those prayers made me nervous.
As applications came out for the Summer cohort of Epicodus, I was nervous to apply, fearing that I would be rejected again. I decided that this second application was going to be my last go at trying to find something new to strive towards, something new that would be what I would find to love and do as a career. Luckily, I was accepted into Epicodus in a point of my life where I needed something to look forward to, something that I would be excited about.
As the days closed in on me towards the beginning of class, I was more nervous than I had been that whole year. All the fears of not being successful, of being the student who was incredibly unprepared, even nervousness that this wasn't where I was supposed to be at crept up on me. The night before my first class was sleepless, as all the 'what-ifs' flooded my mind.
All of that nervousness, all of those fears, all of those feelings were petty. As I walked out of class the first day, I thought about how ridiculous all of those nerves were. Even more so, I thought about how all those nerves and fears distracted me from trusting in God's plan for me. I look back on those days and laugh about how afraid I was to follow where God was taking me. I was put into a new city, with new people for a purpose. With the knowledge of who God is, and what He does for those who follow Him, all of those nerves were not justified. And by the blessing of God, he was patient with me and my doubts, and led me into the next phase of my life.
God leads us. God directs us into our circumstances. I believe that in all of our moments of fear, doubt, nervousness, anxiety, God is there, patiently waiting for us to just look to Him and trust in where he is guiding us to be. Be ready to follow Jesus to where He leads. When you look back weeks, months, years later, you will have no choice but to notice how silly that nervousness was. Because we have a God who can ease our hearts and lead us through those life changes, to develop us into who He wants us to be.
"Then Jesus said to His disciples: 'Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes." - Luke 12:22-23